Ruin by Rachel Van Dyken

Still drying my eyes... hold on a sec...

If you don't know it already, then you should know that I'm a sucker for this type of novels. RUIN is the first book by Rachel Van Dyken that I've read and I absolutely want more more more. Now, RUIN got into my heart hook line and sinker and did not let go even until after the last page. To get a feel for what I'm saying, check out the blurb:

I'm not your typical girl. I've been running away from the memories that haunt me for so long that depression has become my only comfort. I was content in the darkness...until Wes Michels offered to be my light.

I didn't know that time wasn't my ally -- that every second that ticked past was one step closer to the end of something that was beginning to mean the end of myself. He tried to warn me. He promised me all he was able to offer--each moment as it came--but it would never be enough.

Sometimes when you think it's the end, it's only the beginning. Wes thought he could save me, but in giving me everything, he ruined me. Because after one kiss, one touch, I couldn't--I wouldn't ever be the same.

And from that moment on, his heartbeat became my own.

Let me just say first and foremost that I absolutely LOVED LOVED LOVED this book! I am not going to exaggerate... you know how websites like GoodReads allow readers to rate a book out of 5? Well, I am loathe to give RUIN a five when I really think it deserves so much more! Seriously. I can either (A) rate it a beyond five, right there on top with TFiOS and SEMPRE, or (B) I could give it a five and adjust my ratings for everything else. RUIN is just one of those books, the kind that sets the bar of awesomeness for the rest of the other novels of the same genre. So yeah, option A seems like the easier thing to do. 

When I started reading it, I knew right away that it was going to be another emotional rollercoaster ride. And I was not disappointed. It was. It truly was. I think the last time I cried like that was for TFiOS and, my God, did I cry for that book. Well, back to RUIN. Dammit, I needed a lot of tissues for this one, as well. It was THAT good.

In the first few chapters, everything already seems to be gearing up for something BIG. I thought at first that this was going to be all about Kiersten. I mean, I was kind of setting myself up for a plot revolving how she's battling with her tragic past and how Wes would become her knight-in-shining-armor, how they'd fall madly in love and all the cutesy stuff in between. That was my mindset when I started reading RUIN. I mean, the ingredients are complete! Broken orphan girl meets the mysterious, hot, and popular quarterback. Add the wild roommate and said roommate's dangerously hot tatted cousin. Oh, and let's not forget our mysterious guy's psycho ex-girlfriend. Well, it kind of started out like any other New Adult book out right now. Boy, was I wrong.

Several more chapters in and I already started to feel something off. Something was not right. I literally felt my heart pounding inside my chest as I read Wes' POVs from the early parts of the book. Any expectations I had about this being one of your garden-variety tormented-girl-saved-by-hot-guy-with-his-own-demons were all smashed to smithereens. I got the inkling that something big (and tragic) was up with Wes and I can't help but be scared of what my gut is telling me. I won't spoil the fun for you but it set me on edge from that point on as I waited for the punchline. I turned page after page after page wondering when the big elephant in the room was going to be addressed. So, yeah RUIN put me on the edge of my seat and kept me there.

And then I fell in love with Weston Michels

I mean, what normal girl wouldn't fall in love with Wes Michels?! I loved the way that the author didn't paint their relationship too love-at-first-sight-y. I mean, right from the start the reader can already feel the chemistry building between Kiersten and Wes. It's practically jumping out of the page. But I appreciated how they started out with being friends and I guess it made their coming together all the more sweet. Rachel Van Dyken beautifully built the foundations for the romance that there's no question they're going to end up together eventually. 

"Clearly the kiss had affected me. I wanted it to be romantic for her. I told her I wanted her world to change. Hadn't expected mine to shift as well."

Even as I thought about how perfect Kiersten and Wes are for each other, I can't help but wonder how long it's going to last. I mean, there's still Wes' secret, right? So when he talked with Gabe (Kiersten's roommate's cousin), I can feel my heart start to shatter.

I also thought that maybe Gabe would be the third person in the usual love triangle. I mean he's got that whole badboy thing going for him and I got the distinct feeling that if things do not work out for Kiersten and Wes, Gabe would be the one to catch her. I had an unpleasant recollection of this other novel called Chasing Nikki (if you've read it then you know what I mean). I thought RUIN couldn't possible turn out like that!

The waterworks started around that point and they did not let up until the very end.

Okay, I won't go into much detail but my heart was breaking! I can feel the proverbial knife piercing my already shattered heart. The raw emotions... that was the best thing I love about RUIN. There's no chance of holding back. It's a one-two-punch combo of rawness hitting you page after page after page!

I was laughing at Gabe's antics, and then the next moment, my heart would soar as I read Wes' sweet words, his promises. My heart would fill up with emotion as Wes tries to help Kiersten with her list of WAYS TO LIVE, as he helps her overcome the grief that has held her back for so long. My heart would fill to bursting capacity as I fall in love with those two.

and then

I was crying so hard I could barely keep my eyes clear to continue reading. Words have failed me, I can't even begin to describe how I was feeling from that point on. This is me from that fateful football game onwards:

I'll throw you guys a bone, though. RUIN ends with HEA. Don't ask me how, why, or (I know what most of you are thinking) with whom. Because I won't tell. I really wouldn't want to ruin this journey for you. It's a ride you'd want to take and you would want to experience every bit of emotion this book has got to offer. Trust me on this one. I almost skipped to the last part to know what happens but I'm GLAD I didn't. 

The writing was exquisite. It rendered all the emotions so well it practically oozes out of the pages. The way she painted Kiersten and Wes' story was so intense and vivid! She wrote it with just the right amount of suspense to keep readers on the edge of their seats the whole time. RUIN is heartwarming and moving in all the ways that matter. It tugged on my heartstrings and made me fall in love over and over again. There's hope and magic in love and Kiersten and Wes just made me believe it all the more.

To Ms. Rachel Van Dyken, I don't know if you would ever ever read this review of mine but I just want you to know that this is one of the most BEAUTIFUL books I have ever read. Kudos to you, Ma'am! Keep on writing. You're amazing.

And to you New Adult fans out there, or if you just love reading, don't miss out on this epic story of newfound friendships, of finding hope in the direst situations, of falling in love and fighting like hell to keep it, of knowing that time will eventually run out for each and everyone of us... it's a story about feeling every beat of your heart with the knowledge that it's keeping time with another person's. It's a story about living afraid and living it the way it's meant to be lived anyway. 

"Every time you close your eyes, regardless of where I am or where you are, I want you to remember this." His fingers laced with mine and then he pressed my hand against my own chest. 


"Wherever I am, whatever I'm doing, alive or dead, young or old, my heart will always be with yours. Every beat you feel against your fingertips..." His finger tapped against my chest once, twice "...is me calling out to you. It's you returning the call. It's us talking, communicating, bonding, sharing. Living - Kiersten, it's us living."